My CV. Keep in mind that this stylized text is not meant to represent reality, although it is all true and it is how I see the world sometimes. My mother, a person whom I have never really known, had wished she was a writer, and often put down texts a lot like this.


I was born to a nurse and an engineer. Up to my age of 6, they raised me, mother being mostly absent due to her medical profession, and father whom to date, only acted proud fo me twice (in both cases when someone explicitly instructed him to do this) and who never considered my... anything actually, to be worth taking into account. At this point my mother died.

Grandmother took over in my upbringing and I can still remember the countless hours of watching Santa Barbara with her, whilst pretending to be doing my homework. Grandmother was, in the case of my family quite old (75ish) and while she was supposedly good at raising kids (she used to work as a kindergarten teacher, I'm not sure if this is good or bad), she was like all old people raising kids, using her control over us to make us do things instead of her. I was taught that talking should not be necessary and I should just know what needed to be done. From this I homed my keen telepathic skills and my keen unwillingness to speak (despite evidently being a loud proud outgoing kid up to that point).

Eventually my father remarried, divorced and again remarried, with a person who had spent 2 years of her newfound marriage in a mental institution. I was finally again loved by someone who knew how to be a mother, only to be hated from the bottom of her soul afterwards after something unknown to me had changed. I spent my teenage years wondering what I had done to deserve it.

By an incredible stroke of luck, which probably had something to do with me willing to spend a lot of my afternoon hours working at a high school project (at the high school, so that I did not have to be at home), I had found a job at a small company, who was willing to appreciate my work, give me a place to be (not at home), feed me (trough my pay) and even let me earn a little extra (I was perfectly happy with just the appreciation of my work part, being paid to get to do my job, appeared almost absurd, although the act of kindness was and is deeply appreciated). I had earned so much overtime, it still hasn't been payed out in it's entirety today. They have taught me everything there is to know about how things and people should be, which given the point that my mentors were a commercial entity thinking of their interests rather than my own, resulted in this selfless attitude you all seem to be so glad of. The terrible irony is, these positive properties were often attributed to the upbringing I had received from my parents.

As time got by, the demands on me from my employers grew and evolved. I had found my masters to be lacking in their ability to be personal towards me, and was thus looking for a different person to fill in this role. I had found it with Igor. He is a kind decent person, who was not only willing to be nicer to me than my parents had ever been, but also the first person to teach me the Truth about life. I realize that my submissive relationship with him would appear to be obsessive or unnatural to many, but the truth is, I cannot honestly say I think that any other person in my situation would have felt differently. I feel extreme gratitude to someone, who had no obvious motivation to do this, but showed kindness to me like I had not known before. The other truth is, that I had been conditioned up to that point to be the perfect servant (empathic, selfless) and regardless of how I may feel about that now, it has played it's part in making me who I am. And by god, now that I know that I May, I am glad to be Me!!!

It's just weird sometimes... The distinction between what I want to do and what my conditioning makes me do, can be confusing.

LP,
Jure