Another holiday passes by and a new batch of photos is uploaded.

These days have been quite green. Mixed with sunny and rainy times, occasionally both at the same time, and that can be said for more things than just the weather.

As usual I have used the holiday to try to relax and get the lot of that daily stress off my mind for a while. This was the first time I brought a laptop along (as I didn't actually have one before) and while I spent most of the free time programming and have had less time for my usual ponderings about self, I do not think that the effect of the holiday was any lesser. I was able to offload some of my usual troubles and get used to a world where they do not exist, but take on some additional troubles that I may not have dealt with before.

I find the way you live your life to be like a perspective on the reality around you. A perspective may give a sunny day with a variety of colors, and still leave a lot of shady spots that one may notice, or not.

If I wanted to explain in less abstract terms, I would not know where to begin. As you may or may not know, my family is one that lies in ruin. Regardless of everything that can make this state just another way to be (and from this roots my hate of casually populated areas), this makes many of the people within it unhappy. Unhappy people tend to be rude and defensive and they make me feel like I can't do anything right and best stay out of their way. Staying out of people's way can be difficult however, when you depend on them. And while the holiday was an exercise in what we can do, when we do not have the resources of cities, personal property and the like at our disposal and has gone for the most part beyond everybody else's expectations, it did not work out quite as well to me emotionally, as it did to me rationally.

Experience has taught me to keep a low profile in these circumstances. Apparently, I do not really need as much as I am given -- I have tried it before and a lack of food, drink or comfort does not really bother me. The reason I appear to have stayed clear of it is other people's sense of guilt, rather than an opinion voiced by me. I imagine that with these abilities, keeping a low profile should not be difficult: In any case I can say I am fine and do not need anything, and I would not be lying for the most part...

Yet somehow this is one of those problems I never did solve: If the goal is to ask nothing for myself, in order to steer clear of psychological torment... is this okay to pursue or am I doing more harm than good by not sticking out for myself? I was told this is bad and what you would call cruel towards me. For me though, it is just confusing, although I feel what you feel.

And regardless of everything that is missing, you have a variety of greens and a wonderful world around you (with the occasional kernel bug). I just wish I could find a cozy place in it, far from everything I never wanted in my life to begin with.